


someday is not good enough (when I love you so much)

by not_ginger



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Episode: s07e13 Grace, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-10-21 23:53:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17652089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/not_ginger/pseuds/not_ginger
Summary: Sam has a decision to make. But there's something important she needs to know first





	someday is not good enough (when I love you so much)

She really isn’t sure what she’s doing there, sitting in her car in his driveway. No, that’s a lie. She knows exactly why she is where she is, she just doesn’t want to admit it. Even to herself.

Mostly because soon things will irrevocably change between them. No matter what he says.

Sam looks at her watch, she’s been gathering her courage for over ten minutes now. She doesn’t feel any braver though. Surely this should be easier than going through the gate or fighting the Goa'uld, but her heart is beating fast and her palms are all sweaty.

Her ordeal on the Prometheus is the main reason she’s here. It’s made her think about her life. And Jack happens to be a huge, irreplaceable, part of her life.

So the truth is she’s not content with the status quo anymore.

Sam gets out of her car and smoothes down her skirt. It’s Friday night, and they have Saturday and Sunday off. So if this goes badly, at least she’ll have two days to try and think of a way to make it better. Or quit her job and move to Alaska or something, that could work too.

The door opens before she can raise her hand to ring the bell, revealing one Jack O'Neill standing in the doorway.

“Sir,” Sam says, feeling thrown off balance.

“Carter,” He quickly looks her over. “I was just about to go and ask you if you’re living in my driveway now.”

Sam feels her face grow hot. “No, I was just-”

“I’m kidding,” he cuts her off. “What’s up?”

“Can I come in?” she says before she can lose her nerve and run away.

Jack looks at her closely for a moment and then moves to the side to let her inside the house. “Beer?” he asks as he closes the door behind her.

It’s tempting, but she wants her head to be perfectly clear for this. “No, thank you.”

He shrugs and goes to the kitchen to get a bottle of beer for himself.

Sam walks into the living room and stops in front of the huge windows facing his backyard. “I like it how secluded your house is,” she says when she hears him join her in the room.

“It’s not for sale,” he says and she turns to him to give him a look. “In case you’re wondering.”

She doesn’t say anything, just looks at him as Jack sits down on his couch and returns her gaze.

“What?” he asks, his voice soft and gentle.

“I was wondering actually,” Sam says. It’s not how she wanted to start this conversation, but she needs to start it somehow.

Jack frowns. “About my house?”

“No.” Sam moves closer to him and starts clasping and unclasping her hands in front of her.

Jack picks up on this gesture of anxiety. “Carter,” he says, drawing out her name slightly, “is everything alright?”

_I’m saying you’re missing something vital from your life._

She sits on the couch, folding her leg underneath her and facing him. “Yes. I was wondering about something else, and I need to ask you three questions.”

Jack raises his eyebrows and takes a sip of his beer. “My favorite color is peridot. My favorite food is cake. And if I could have dinner with anyone in the world, it would be Mary Steenburgen.”

Sam frowns in confusion. “Really?”

“Yeah, who would you have dinner with?” he says nonchalantly.

Sam shakes her head. “No one. This is not an interview.” _This is my, maybe our, future_ , she thinks.

“Then what is it?” Jack asks her gently.

She gets up, unable to stay still for another moment. “Remember when I got lost on the Prometheus?”

He gives her a funny look. “It happened two weeks ago. I remember.”

“Yeah.”

“And?”

“And I was just thinking.” She looks at him, willing him to understand her without words, but she knows he won’t, not this time.

“About?” He takes another sip.

“About something you told me when I was on the ship,” Sam says slowly and holds her breath, waiting for his reaction.

Jack raises his head to look at her, probably thinking she’s gone insane.

“I _know_  you didn’t actually tell me anything. I hit my head and saw things that weren't there. But that’s why I’m here. I need to ask you something.”

_Then what’s stopping you? If you really want to know._

He shifts in his seat, clearly uncomfortable, so maybe he does have an idea of where this is going. “Yeah,” he says.

Sam takes a deep breath. “What if I quit the Air Force?”

He looks at her in surprise. “And why on Earth would you do that?”

“Because of question number two. Do you still feel anything for me?” she blurts out and immediately wants to take the words back. She wants to run and hide and never talk to him again. She wants him to say yes.

“Carter,” he says, a warning in his voice.

“No,” she interrupts him without thinking.

“No?” he echoes.

“I need you to answer this,” She says quietly, not looking at him. “I’ve been thinking about my future, and I can’t make this decision based on incomplete information.” Jack closes his eyes, and she adds, “You know me and information.”

Her heart is beating wildly in her chest now, but still he doesn’t say anything. It makes her feel like a fool.

“Oh, come on, sir. Just say you don’t love me anymore, and I’ll leave, and never bother you again. It’s that simple.”

He opens his eyes and gets to his feet. “It’s not simple,” he says sharply

Sam shakes her head. “No. But it’s always been up to me, hasn’t it? With you being the perfect gentleman and never wanting to push me. To pressure me,” she says, her voice just as sharp, and she wonders at the sudden anger she’s feeling.

“I’m your commanding officer,” he says quietly, and she knows that this kind of quiet is dangerous.

It doesn’t scare her, but it makes her sad and completely evaporates her anger. She shakes her head again. “There’s more to life than this,” she says bitterly.

Jack’s whole body sags. “Yes,” he says.

She closes her eyes. This is going nowhere and she probably shouldn’t have even come. “I… I’m sorry, I’ll just go. This was a mistake.” She turns to leave, but he grabs her arm, halting her movement and turning her to face him.

“Yes,” he says again, looking her in the eye. “Now what?”

Sam’s heart skips a beat as she realizes that this isn’t him agreeing with her about life, this is his answer. But he’s right, what now?

She thinks about the Prometheus again. About her dad’s words, and Jack’s words. About her own thoughts and growing dissatisfaction with her life. About how badly she wants to kiss him. Really kiss _him_.

 _One step at a time_ , she tells herself and cups his face in her hands, swiftly closing the remaining distance between them.

He tenses under her touch, but she doesn’t let go, just keeps her lips pressed against his until he makes a low sound at the back of his throat and opens his mouth, kissing her back.

She feels out of breath, emotions running high, when they break apart. His hands move gently up and down her upper arms. “I’m not going to apologize for this anymore,” she gasps.

“I’d never ask you to, but what _do_  you want to do now?” he asks, looking a little dazed himself.

 _You deserve to love someone, and be loved in return_.

Sam bites her lip, thinking hard. “I don’t know,” she says honestly. “I just know that I don’t want to wait for someday, who knows if it’ll ever come. I don’t want to keep coming home to an empty house.”

“I knew this was all about my house,” Jack says, giving her a small smile.

She’s laughing when he lowers his head and kisses her again, but then he unexpectedly pulls back. “You said three questions. What’s the third question?”

Sam looks at him, standing so close to her it fills her with wonder and the absolute certainty that this is the right decision come what may. Her fingers touch his cheek. “Can I stay here tonight?”

Jack’s hands tighten on her arms and his eyes darken. He doesn’t say anything, but his lips moving against hers is all the answer she needs.


End file.
